Delivery Room Drama

Okay. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any children that this topic makes me feel some kind of way. At either rate, I’m not really for the New Jersey law that fathers are not allowed in the delivery room with the mother of their child if the mother doesn’t want him there. In other words, the mother’s rights are favored and the father’s rights are not. I can’t speak for anyone else but this seems rather selfish on the part of the mom if she’s in favor of this law for the wrong reasons. Let me explain:

Let’s say that “Rebecca” and “Mark” have been in a relationship for about two years. Everything is great. Love is in the air, the birds are chirping loudly because of Rebecca and Mark’s love for each other, and people hear music whenever they’re with each other. But for whatever reason, things become really ugly in their relationship and they decide to part ways. However, Rebecca is pregnant with Mark’s first child and although he’s no longer together with Rebecca, he still wants to be in the delivery room when she gives birth.

But because of her unwillingness to put aside her bad feelings towards Mark, she won’t allow him to see his child being born. So not only is the father robbed of the opportunity to see his baby being born but the innocent baby is robbed of the opportunity of being held in the arms of his/her father for the first time and bonding…all because of the mother’s unflattering feelings towards the father of her child.

Let me be real: Unfortunately, whatever happened during the course of Rebecca and Mark’s relationship effected what took place during the birth of their child because of her choosing for him not to be in the delivery room with her. What Rebecca doesn’t realize is that her decision to not allow the father to be there during the birthing process can effect how she treats the father in the long haul, thus, it will effect the child as well. Things happen and relationships sometimes fall apart but both parties have to be friends (or at least cordial) for the sake of the child. Choosing to not allow the father in the delivery room is one step to choosing to not allow the father to be a part of the child’s life. That’s why I said that it’s selfish. If Mark cheated on you with the girl down the street, that’s not a reason to keep him from bonding with his newborn child. Put aside your feelings and allow that moment with the child and the father to take place.

On the flip side, if the father of your baby is an abusive and a threatening piece of work,  I would totally understand if the mother doesn’t want him in the delivery room during this moment in her life. She’s in a lot of pain and going thru a lot during that time. The last thing that she needs is a man in the room with her that is causing her nothing but grief. If you are that type of man that can see the mother of your child being in a lot of pain during labor but yet, you’re causing her more pain because you’re causing her problems during this process, you not only need to be banned from the delivery room but you need to be banned from the hospital altogether.

In a nutshell, the whole focus of the birthing process should be about bringing a beautiful child in the world. With that being said, both parties should be mature enough to put aside their feelings for that moment to make sure that the baby grows in a healthy environment with parents that are not taking the opportunity to claw each other’s eyes out. If I’m wrong, let me know.

Sonica

Copyright © 2014 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.

To Dread or Not To Dread

Not too long ago, I had a conversation with an individual who’s one of the “big wigs” of a particular corporation in Atlanta. She was telling me about the time when an individual was interviewed for a position at the company and although his interviewing skills were great, the only thing that was stopping him from getting the job was the fact that he wore dreadlocks. One of her colleagues was the one that interviewed him.  Well, after she spoke to her colleagues during the decision-making process, she called up the young man and advised him that if he wanted the job, he would have to get rid of his dreadlocks. Although I don’t wear dreadlocks, I found myself feeling horribly offended.

So I asked her, “You mean to tell me that you and your colleagues wasn’t sure if you wanted to hire him or not, simply because he wore dreadlocks? Did they look dirty and messy?”

She said, “Not at all. He was well groomed and they looked very clean and neat. But when you are in corporate America, you can’t wear things like that. Everything has to be uniformed.”

“So what happened next?”

“Well, after I advised him to cut his dreads, he cut them and that’s when he got the job.”

I was floored. First of all, I have worked in corporate America for years and at every job, there were people who wore dreadlocks. So the fact that she stated that you can’t wear your hair like that was completely false. I don’t know which company that she worked for but that type of discrimination doesn’t hold weight in every company. I used to work for a company that was predominantly white and I saw a few men and women (both Black and white) who sported dreadlocks and they didn’t get treated like less of a person because of their hair. As a matter of fact, a few of them were in a higher position that I was.

Help me to understand something: Is this the kind of world that we live in where your hair determines whether you’re capable of doing a job? I do understand that if your hair is drawing way too much attention (ex: bright neon hair, fluorescent lights in your hair, glitter all thru your hair, a huge spiked Mohawk, a freaking palm tree growing out of your scalp), that it can caused a serious distraction and thus, it can cause a lil’ damage to the integrity of the company. However, if it’s a sensible hairstyle that’s neat, it shouldn’t be a problem.

Furthermore, a hairstyle doesn’t determine whether someone can do their job or not. There are quite a few people that don’t wear dreadlocks and yet they don’t have the skills it takes to land a job. More of the focus should be on the person’s intelligence, their education level, and their ability to learn. It would be an outright shame for someone to go to school to learn a trade or get a degree and then after all of those nights that they’ve studied and worked hard, it is now consider a waste of their time because of their hair. What type of message are we sending here? Are we saying that we’re more impressed with the quality of someone’s hair than the quality of their work?

Having dreadlocks shouldn’t determine a person’s future. If they keep them neat and nicely trimmed, leave them alone. Don’t lose a valuable asset to your company based off of narrow-minded thinking. For this individual to be a Black woman, she should’ve definitely understood that concept especially since unfortunately in this cold world, she already has two strikes against her; she’s Black and she’s a female. We already know that in corporate America, it is basically a white male-dominated industry and because you’re Black and you’re a woman, the people that you work for are going to automatically think that you don’t know as much as you say you do.

So yes, I was taken aback when she suggested that the young man cut his dreads. If a person is wearing dreadlocks, embrace it; don’t erase it. There are an astronomical amount of men and women that are rotting in prisons from all over the world. A lot of them didn’t wear dreadlocks when they were doing crime and a lot of them wasn’t wearing dreadlocks when they were put in prison. So my point is that a person’s dreadlocks doesn’t make this wise or unwise. It doesn’t determine whether they’re smart or stupid. It doesn’t even determine if they’re more creative and listen to poetry all day. It’s just hair. In the famous words of India Arie, “It’s not what’s on your head; it’s what’s underneath it.”

Sonica

Copyright © 2014 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.

Ladies, Let’s Talk

Okay, ladies. So now that the series finale of Being Mary Jane has been seen this week, it’s time for us to get down to business and get back to reality. For those of you that don’t know about the show, let me just go ahead and give you the break down: Being Mary Jane is a show on the BET network that’s based off of a character by the name of Mary Jane Paul, played by actress, Gabrielle Union. Mary Jane has an outstanding career as a newscaster but her love life is highly chaotic because she’s involved with a married man by the name of Andre Daniels, played by actor, Omari Hardwick.

Although Being Mary Jane is a very entertaining drama series that will get you hooked on the first episode, I find it rather disturbing that so many women are acting as if Mary Jane is giving them hope in regards to getting involved with married men. The character Mary Jane is not the spokesperson for finding true love; she’s the spokesperson for being a home wrecker…and that’s not something to be proud of. Ladies, please listen to me: You guys are not following directions in regards to how you’re supposed to watch this show.

When the show comes on, you’re supposed to sit Indian-style your couch with a big bowl of popcorn, a tall glass of Coke, watch the show, and talk back to the screen when Mary Jane is doing something stupid. Afterwards, you’re supposed to flip the channel to something else that’s entertaining and then finally go to bed. That’s it! However, many women are acting as if Mary Jane is giving them the green light to be heauxs. Ladies, please hear what I’m saying to you: Don’t let this show be the reason that you get a bullet in your behind by a crazed wife. My suggestion to you will be for you to get a grip on reality and quit thinking that you have a chance with someone else’s husband.  And while I’m on this subject, let me help you put to rest two lies that some of you keep telling yourself:

1. “Well, if his wife was doing what she should be doing to keep him satisfied, he wouldn’t be dealing with me.”

First of all, if you were as “amazing” as you think you are, you would be able to get a man of your own versus settling for table scraps. And you know that’s the truth. If you can’t be honest with anyone else, at least be honest with yourself. You may think that you got that “top shelf” kind of lovin’ but the truth of the matter is that the majority of you are messing around with a married man because you know that deep down in your heart, you’re not good enough to be a man’s first choice. You’re desperate for companionship and you don’t want to deal with the devastating blow of a good and ELIGIBLE man not wanting you because he feels that you’re not good enough for him. So you settle for someone that belongs to someone else. That’s why Mr. Married Man has been successfully playing you like a game of spades because he knows that you’re too lost to figure out this scenario for yourself.

2. “It’s not my fault that her husband is cheating with me. I’m not the reason why they’re having problems in their marriage.”

Honey, have a classroom full of seats. If you believe this nonsense, it’s no wonder that you’re at second base. Stop using this lie as an excuse to not feel like the home wrecker that you are. It may not be your fault as to why he decides to cheat on his wife but you can best believe that you are definitely a contributing factor to the problem because you have ALLOWED yourself to be involved in it. With each tear that falls down his wife’s face due to her husband’s infidelity, YOU ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE. If his kids are hurting because their dad is not home because he’s spending time over at your house, YOU ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE. If the in-laws are forced to take sides because of his infidelity, YOU ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE.  If he loses his family and his home, YOU ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE. If his wife decides to take her own life because she can’t deal with the hurt that infidelity causes, YOU ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE. Stop acting as if you’re the innocent party and that karma will skip your address. What you fail to realize is that when a man and a woman get married, that’s a covenant that they made with God. A covenant with God is not something to be played with. That’s serious business and if you choose to tamper with that covenant, you will pay the price in one form or another. Sleeping with a married man will not only effect the lives of others but it will also effect your life as well because whether you believe it or not, karma can come in any form. It may come in the form of your daughter who may just end up being just like you. It may come in the form a STD that you can’t get rid of. It may come in the form of you ending up in a marriage full of turmoil, with a husband that’s cheating on you with a woman that acts just like you. With every cause, there is an effect.

Ladies, by all means, enjoy the series Being Mary Jane but don’t be foolish enough to fall victim to imitating a fictitious character that was only meant to be for entertainment. In real life, the character Mary Jane will not be able to talk you off the ledge if Mr. Married Man breaks your heart. She’s not gonna stop by your house and dry your tears when he decides that he wants to work things out with his wife. She’s not gonna help you pick up the pieces of your life. So get a dose of some common sense and realize that in order to have what belongs to you, then you must let go of what doesn’t belong you.

Sonica

Copyright © 2014 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.

Ciara Has a Point

A few days ago, r&b singer Ciara was feeling some kind of way about some of these vicious bloggers that like to attack celebrities via the internet and she decided to write an open letter to them. Considering the fact that I’m not a blogger, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give my perspective or not. But me being Sonica Jackson, I’m a writer who loves to share her thoughts about things and I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t give my input about what she said. After reading what she had to say, I strongly believe that she was right about everything that she said. She was spot on.

For those of you who didn’t get a chance to read her open letter, here a lil’ snippet of it:

“I used to sometimes like visiting some of the blog sites to see what new things are happening in the world! Things like cool photos, current events, etc. But nowadays it seems like there’s a competition with sites on “Who Can Tear Someone Down the Most.” The stories are going from cool and creative to pure drama. Even the comment sections are beginning to get out of control and people are using the platforms to exercise a false sense of power. People sure do have a lot of courage when they are anonymous. It’s like a “Who Can Say the Nastiest Comment Game.” I click onto some of the comments from something as fun as an Instagram post that you’re sharing with your fans, and a person finds a way to turn a positive post into a negative. I think to myself, “I could pick this person apart so bad but what for? Why act ugly like them?” It honestly takes the fun out of it when people seem so miserable. Or at least that’s how I view someone wasting their energy to tear someone down, just plain miserable. They could be using that to do something much more productive. If only they could channel their energy towards positivity, it could make a difference in their own life as well as influence others. It’s kind of scary for the kids coming up, because even if a parent doesn’t allow their kids to have blog site access at home, they may still have access at school or other places. It’s now almost impossible to protect your kids from the vile things people say on blog sites today, and it’s even worse when kids hear hurtful things about themselves, their parents or other family members. In some cases kids have even resorted to suicide due to “cyber-bullying.”

You can read her full letter on her website, www.onlyciara.com but for now, let me just say this:

Unfortunately, there are certain websites where bloggers (or whatever you wanna call them) have completely beat people down to the ground with their words. One website in particular gets a kick out of talking terribly about a celebrity’s child, which should definitely be a no-no. What’s so sad about some of these websites is that they have a gazillion followers on things that are really not a big deal. For example, why should we care where a celebrity decided to go for dinner? Are they not allowed to eat?

Most of these entertainment websites want to pry into a celebrity’s life and find out every little detail that they can so that they can use it against them. Unfortunately, that’s the life that you signed up for the minute that you become famous. No offense to anyone’s website but I must say that I don’t go looking for what it is that a celebrity is doing or has got themselves involved in because I’m not a gossip site.  I’m a writer, first and foremost, and my website is actually designed for expressing my views about various topics, giving motivation to other authors, having fun, etc. It’s not an entertainment site nor do I report the news about anything. I share my insight on what has been in the news in regards to a celebrity to open up lines of communication to see who agrees and who may have a different point of view.

But most gossip sites are into getting “the dirt”, not realizing that what they say about someone can have a long-term negative effect on their lives. If you’re gonna spend energy tearing someone down, at least spend the same amount of energy building them back up. Bloggers should be honest about what’s on their mind but also be very mindful that the person that they’re talking about is HUMAN. They are not perfect. So if there’s a blogger out there that’s looking for advice on how to have better conduct online, the best thing that I can say to you is: Instead of looking for dirt, look for understanding. Look for ways to get people to understand your point of view. Make sure that what you’re talking about is worth talking about. Don’t look for ways to become a cyber bully just so that some ignorant fools can come to your site and subscribe.

Honestly, I actually take pleasure in writing something great about a celebrity which is why I started the Diamond of the Week category on my website. This category spotlights the achievements that a celebrity has made at that particular time. As you can tell from my site, I don’t have a category that says Jackass of the Week and I refuse to have one because I’m not the type of individual that likes to demean people. However, if you’ve done something and said something that was really out of pocket, then I will talk about it but it will come from a place of tough love. We all need tough love sometimes. We all need someone that will get on our case when we’re doing something foolish but they will also point out our good qualities and tell us how amazing we are.

So Ciara, with all that being said, this is what I have to say in regards to your letter: Whether you are doing something bad or doing something good, you will get talked about. Whether you are living or dead, you will get talked about. That’s how this world is and it’s been that way even before you were born. The way that you handle the situation is what makes the difference. Like my grandma used to say, “If they talked about Jesus, they most certainly are gonna talk about you.” And when you are a celebrity, the chit chat gets worse because you’re in the limelight. All you can do is stay focus on what it is that you’re trying to accomplish and press towards the mark.

On the flip side, don’t do something absolutely crazy and then expect for a blogger not to comment on it. Yes, it’s your life but if you’re in the public eye acting like you have completely lost your mind, it will definitely get noticed. A lot of times, celebrities give people a reason to say things about them because of the ridiculous things that they do. So don’t get mad when they talk about you. You can’t control what it is that they have to say but you can control what it is that you pay attention to.

If a person is not threatening your family or threatening you, then don’t even worry about what a blogger has to say about you. It’s a waste of time because they are still gonna say whatever they wanna say about you regardless of what you may think about it. The only thing that you can do is ignore them. Live your life, live your dream, and block the haters from your mind. If you decide to be like a certain celebrities that chooses to curse bloggers out at the drop of a dime every chance they get, all you’re doing is giving them ammunition to have more to say about you. Don’t allow crazy retaliation to be the reason why a blogger gets their bills paid.

Sonica

Copyright © 2014 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.

The Best Man Holiday

Anytime that you can make a movie where you have grown men in the theater crying over certain scenes, you are one helluva storyteller. When I cry, I experience headaches so let me just say that I have a migraine right about now. While leaving the grocery store this morning, radio stations kept talking about the movie, The Best Man Holiday, and they even played this BEAUTIFUL song by Marsha Ambrosius & Anthony Hamilton that is featured on the soundtrack. So I was well convinced that I needed to see this movie today and not wait until later on.

Let me be real: This was the best movie that I’ve seen this year. If you haven’t seen The Best Man  which was released several years ago, I suggest that you go see that one first before laying eyes on this sequel, The Best Man Holiday. Otherwise, it’s not gonna make sense to you. I loved that the entire cast was on board for this sequel which consisted of  Morris Chestnut, Nia Long, Taye Diggs, Terrence Howard, Sanaa Lathan, Monica Calhoun, Regina Hall, Melissa DeSousa,  and Harold Perrineau. The storytelling was consistent and throughout the movie theater, I heard the sound of people breathing heavy because they were crying…including me. Once you go see this movie, you will understand what I mean. No matter how thick-skinned you may be, there’s no way that any human being will be able to see this movie and not shed a tear in a couple of the scenes.

Of course, you have some very hilarious scenes in the movie and once again Taye Diggs’ character (Harper) finds himself in hot water again with his best friend Lance, played by Morris Chestnut. I’m not gonna tell you all of the crazy details of the movie but I will say that Terrence Howard’s character (Quentin) has some shocking news that he reveals towards the end of the movie, which makes me believe that there will be a part three. If so, I can’t wait.

I don’t know if the movie was meant to be a “message movie” but I really did learn something from it; FORGIVENESS. When you learn how to forgive, it definitely gives the person the opportunity to communicate and work things out with the person that you have a problem with. Not only that, I’ve also learned that we all need to be more compassionate towards others and understand the fact that everyone has a past. We are all imperfect human beings and we have all messed up. But God forgives us and allows us the chance to make better decisions.

Sonica

Copyright © 2013 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.

Remember This

I’m gonna make this very brief because tonight I have a writing project that I have to work on for a contest. But I want you all to remember this: Don’t work hard to make someone else rich when you have ALL the necessary tools available to create wealth for yourself. Seek and you will find. If you are doing most of the work and someone else is getting most of the pay, something is wrong with that picture, don’t you think? Don’t let your dreams blow up into flames because eventually, those flames will turn into ashes. If sh*t feels uncomfortable and you’re not appreciated at your day job, that’s perfect timing to handle your business and do what you’re meant to do. Newsflash: You’re not supposed to get comfortable at your day job because it’s…a…job. Goodnight all.

Sonica

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.

Don’t Be Ashamed

It’s a damn shame that in this day and age, we still have people in this world that are about as fake as gold jewelry in a gumball machine. Anyway, my point is that people need to understand that the only one that they should fear is God because He’s the one that can take you from the cradle to the grave.

I’m sick and tired of people hiding what’s really going on because they want everyone to believe that the grass is greener on their side. Let’s be honest: We all have some issues in our lives that need the healing hands of Jesus. If you don’t have any issues, KEEP LIVING. You will have them someday. Whether it’s a horrible marriage, job loss, a dying parent, bad credit, etc., we all have something that we’re dealing with. That’s life.

I honestly believe that the reason why God allows us to have challenges in life is because he doesn’t want any of us to walk around thinking that we’re better than anyone else. If your own backyard is messy, you won’t have time to worry about the mess in someone else’s backyard. For example, one of my challenges is learning how to turn the other cheek. Sonica is quick to give someone a quick tongue-lashing if they hurt her in any way. But this is a flaw that I am working on because I’m a grown woman that desires to do better. That’s why I don’t turn my nose up at people who are having a hard time getting their stuff together. If they’re trying, that’s half the battle.

That leads me to say this: STOP allowing people to kill your dreams due to your dirty past. If you did it, you did it. But don’t let your past stop you from working towards a great future. If you want better for yourself and you want it bad enough, go get it and tell the naysayers to go to hell. Besides, if they’re not helping you achieve your dreams, treat their opinion like toilet paper: wipe your tail with it.

What you have to understand about the naysayers that want to remind you of your ugly past is that nine times outta ten, their past is worst than yours. And because they’re miserable as hell, they want you and everyone else to be miserable right along with them. The funny thing about naysayers is that most of them are the ones that have been doing the same crap for years, talking about the same crapfor years, and complaining about the same crap for years. So therefore, their opinion doesn’t need to be valued.

STOP explaining yourself to broke ass fools who haven’t even accomplished half of the things that you have accomplished. When you are free from what people think of your life, you are free indeed. They can’t live your life and you may be surprised to find out that they are not even strong enough to endure half of the things that you’ve gone thru. What should matter to you is YOU. No one can live your life but YOU and I don’t have to be a pastor or a therapist with a degree in psychology to tell you that.

Okay so maybe you was a drug dealer in the past. Maybe you committed armed robbery. Maybe you was laying butt naked on someone’s bear-skinned rug doing God-knows-what. Maybe you did sleep with your best friend’s man and got pregnant with his big-headed kid. But none of that means that your life is over and that you’re a permanent piece of crap. If you don’t believe me, take a good look at the majority of rap artists.

Just about every rap artist has either sold dope, gotten shot, and/or have a rap sheet longer than the grocery lines on the first of the month. They may have played their part in the most dirtiest scenario but then they decided to turn their life around and use that same hustler mentality to get record deals, Grammy awards, groupies in abundance, be the owner of companies, and buy property. And I’m not hardly mad at none of them. It’s called game. Get some.

So with that being said, don’t be ashamed of what you’ve gone thru or what it is that you have yet to overcome. Make it up in your mind that you’re gonna do something about your mess so that you can make your life better. In the Bible, it shows us that David was a hot mess but he was able to overcome all of his mess and God still made him a major playa in the game. The same thing can happen for you. It’s just gonna take a work of action on your part to get it done.

For example, a lot of people (especially my dear Black folks with kids) make it their business to make sure that they file their taxes during tax season so that they can get a big refund check. It doesn’t matter if it’s raining big balls of hot lava outside, they’re gonna make sure that they run to H&R Block to pick up their check. And why? Because they had their eye on that fifty-inch flat screen TV that they saw at Best Buy. They are determined to get it and will play sick and leave their job early just so that they can go pick it up. So why can’t you use that same determination to get off your tail and be awesome in this world? Still not convinced? Well, here’s another example:

Many people like to drag their feet in the morning when it’s time to go to their day jobs…especially if the sleep feels so damn good and it’s raining outside. We will hit that snooze button about fifteen times before we finally get up and go to work. But when Black Friday rolls around, the same people will get up at 1am and stand outside of Wal-Mart just to get that XBOX 360 for y’all crazy kids. When the door opens to Wal-Mart, y’all will knock down old ladies, curse out security guards, and pimp slap little kids to the floor just so that y’all can run and snatch up the latest gadget. No matter what y’all had to go thru and who’s ass y’all had to kick in order to get your desired item, you made sure that you got it. But anyway, my point is that you truly can do whatever you put your mind to.

And another thing: Just because you came from a messed up environment, doesn’t mean that you’re gonna be a messed up individual. You just might be the one to make it out of the ghetto and do extraordinary things. Yes, it’s true that your parents just might be a pair of goofballs. That doesn’t mean that you have to be a product of their foolishness. Learn from the mistakes of your parents and do things better in your own life. Don’t use that “product of my environment” excuse as a reason to not do anything with your life. Believe me, distractions are always gonna be around but it’s how you overcome that makes all the difference in the world.

Sonica

Copyright © 2013 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.