The Jilted Jump-Off

Maybe I was cut from a different cloth. But as for me, there’s no way in hell that I’m gonna write a book, talking in great detail about the men that I’ve had sex with. I understand that the economy is forcing people to make money by any means necessary but are you really that broke that you have to write a book on how many men that you’ve smacked bellies with?

Now I’m not too sure who started the tell-all phenomenon and although some of the books are quite entertaining and comical (I don’t mind laughing at heauxs), I still can’t grasp the concept as to why they would want to put all of their business out on public display. But then again, heauxs and self-respect are a conflict of interest, right?

As I was thinking about writing this topic, I was saying to myself, ‘What exactly constitutes a heaux? Is there a prerequisite to being a heaux?’ Well, maybe so. I’m thinking that in order to be a certified heaux-ologist, you would either have to do one of the following:

A. Have so many dudes coming in and out of your bed that the dent in her mattress looks like a bottomless pit.

B.  Understand that churches all over the world have reserved a spot for you on their Sick and Shut-In list because they just know for a fact that you’re gonna catch one helluva disease that’s gonna make your clit crumble like a soufflé.

C.  Both A and B.

Now don’t get me wrong: Being a heaux doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing for those who are one. If you’re content with it and that’s how you thrive in life, then so be it. That’s your business. But honestly, you have to be one mad heffa to wanna write a book about all of your gentlemen callers.

Yes, I know that you want the public to believe that the reason why you want to tell everyone about all the sex that you’ve had with your vast amount of sex partners is because you want young women to “learn something” from your story, but let’s be real: The real reason why a heaux writes tell-all books is because:

A.  The dude that she was sleeping with has lost interest in her and she’s extremely upset about it.

B.  The dude that she was sleeping with has found a new heaux and the original heaux is extremely upset about it.

C.  The dude that she was sleeping with has either gotten married or is now in a serious relationship and the heaux is extremely upset about it.

D.  The heaux wants fame by any means necessary.

 E. The heaux realizes that she hasn’t accomplished a damn thing in her life except a dented headboard frame and a wet ass.

Not too long ago, I was watching TV and they were talking about this old-ass lady who’s gonna be coming out with a tell-all book, naming names of celebrity men that she’s slept with and in horrific detail. Because she looked ancient as hell, I thought that she had enough wisdom to know better than to put her business out in the streets. But I guess not.

True enough, this is a free country. You can say whatever the hell you want to say. So of course, coming out with a tell-all book about your former sex partners is not a crime. It’s just senseless like assed-out jeans and most men are not gonna take you seriously because you’re letting everyone know that you’ve had a party between your legs. Now of course, I’ve laid my eyes on a couple of these books and why? Because I love comedy. And believe me, heauxs are hilarious. Oh, yes.

Anyway, if you want to write a tell-all book, be my guest. And if you’re writing one because rent is due and you’re two months behind, that’s your prerogative. But if you’re writing one for the sole purpose of seeking revenge against your former sex partner(s) because they’ve settled down with decent women and became family men, go seek help.

Let me explain something to you: If you know damn well that you were just a sex toy for all of these men, you shouldn’t be upset if they decided to play you to the left and not take you seriously. If you didn’t take yourself seriously, why should they?

Yes, I know that you thought Mr. Man loved you simply because he’s bought you a pair of designer shoes but he was just returning the favor for you giving him what he wanted from the jump. And stop lying to yourself, saying that you’re writing a tell-all book because you want the “truth” to come out. The actual truth is that you’re upset because he moved on with his life and it makes you sick to your stomach that he wakes up to a gorgeous woman who makes her money standing up.

Now if you’re trying to explain your story because you’re describing the mistakes that you’ve made, the self-respect that you’ve compromised, and how you were able to become a better woman, that’s very understandable. There’s nothing like growth. But what you have to understand is that Mr. Man has the right to experience growth as well…which may be the reason why he dropped ya’ ass.


Copyright © 2013 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.


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