Nothing makes my eye twitch more, than for a woman to keep her child away from their father simply because she’s no longer in a relationship with him. Although I don’t have any kids, I can definitely speak from the perspective of a witness. If you are a mother and you’re not allowing the father to see his child because you’re angry at him, let me take the liberty of saying to you, STOP IT. If he’s not abusing the hell outta his child, let him see his child. Don’t be spiteful.
Okay, so things didn’t work out between you and Mr. Man. In the beginning, you guys couldn’t get enough of each other. You were either over at his house or he was over at yours. Y’all went everywhere together, laughing at each other’s jokes, he was buying you flowers, y’all were talking on the phone every night, spending the holidays together, meeting each other’s parents, texting each other all kinds of love messages, and screwing each other’s brains out like the world was coming to an end. Love was in the air and y’all heads were in the clouds. You guys were on a natural high. Sounds just like what y’all had, right?
But then, something happened that made everything change. And the love that y’all once had, has now turned into a serious dose of hatred. Not a day went by that you guys didn’t tell each other, ‘I love you’. Now, the ‘I love yous’ has turned into vicious words of “N**ga, you ain’t sh*t!” and “B*tch, f*ck you!” and “Your d*ck was garbage anyway!” and “You ain’t nothin’ but a b*tch!” and “My homeboys tried to warn me about you!” and “My girls were right about ya’ ass!” And in the midst of all of this, there’s an innocent child who has to witness his or her two parents acting like some crazy fools.
Anyway, maybe it’s true that your babyfather is a piece a crap. Maybe he is all these things that you despise. But as I heard someone say before, YOU PICKED HIM. So if that man wants to see his child, LET HIM. You may think that you’re “getting revenge on the babyfather” by not allowing him to see his child and honestly, he may actually be hurt by that. But what your selfish behind fail to realize is that you’re hurting your child worse than you’re hurting the father. So there goes your theory on you thinking that you’re a good mother.
Lil’ Ray Ray and Lil’ Keisha are just kids. They don’t have anything to do with the problems that are going on between you and your babyfather. Contrary to popular belief, every child needs a father or at least a father figure in their lives and you do not have the right to deprive them of that relationship just because things didn’t work out between you and Tyrone. Please spare me the whole “My child don’t wanna see his father because he knows that his father ain’t sh*t.” Really. How in the hell is a two-year old gonna know whether their father ain’t sh*t or not? He or she is too young to even understand. And if he or she is thinking terribly about their father, you know doggone well that you’re the one that’s feeding them that foolishness. Keep your kids out of your drama.
I’m not saying that your babyfather is innocent and that he’s not the reason for some of the mess that has transpired between the two of you. Maybe he did leave you for the girl down the street. And yeah, maybe she is a nappy-headed heaux. But that’s the ho that he wants. Just like he moved on with his life, you need to do the same and stop giving that man so much damn power by remaining angry to the point where it’s effecting your child and your life. And let me go ahead and put this lil’ bug in your ear: If you and your babyfather are no longer together and he decides to see someone else, HE DOES NOT NEED YOUR APPROVAL. He’s not obligated to introduce the new girl to you. However, if he chooses to do so, treat the new girl with the same respect that you would want someone to treat you with.
And another thing: I know that this may shock you but he doesn’t even have to tell you that he’s dating someone. He’s a grown man. Now I’m sure that some of you ladies may be saying, “I disagree with that, Sonica! I wanna meet this b*tch that he’s with because I don’t want just any woman around my child and blah, blah, blah.” Let me go ahead and stop you right there. First of all, if he didn’t need someone’s permission to be with you, then he doesn’t need your permission to be with someone else. As long as the new woman is not kicking the hell out of your kid and being verbally abusive, then take a chill pill.
Since you keep saying that your babyfather ain’t sh*t and he’s a piece of sh*t and he looks like sh*t and sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, I would think that you would be thanking your lucky stars that you guys are no longer together and just wanna congratulate him on his new relationship. But naw, you rather be hateful and spiteful. As a result, your babyfather and his new woman are probably getting closer and laughing at your goofy behind and all of your childish antics.
I’m sure that the majority of babymamas didn’t go into the relationship with their child’s father, thinking that they would part ways. But things happen and you have to just charge it to the game. Of course, women are women. If you break our hearts, we’re gonna cry, go thru a period of depression, and hate every man that we see while playing ‘Not Gon’ Cry’ by Mary J. Blige. And when you think of the good times that you’ve had with Mr. Man, it can make the heartache so unbearable that you feel like you’re gonna die.
And it’s normal to feel that way for a certain period of time because you’re hurting. But heartache is not supposed to last forever. Don’t allow the bitter breakup to eat away at you because eventually it will start to consume you. Whatever you do, don’t take it out on the child. Children do have to grow up and you don’t want your child hating you because of the relationship that you deprived him or her of.
Copyright © 2013 by Sonica Jackson
***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.