The Case of the Funky Monkey

There’s nothing more traumatic than to walk into the women’s bathroom and it smells like fish grease and garbage, which is one of the reasons why I don’t like using public bathrooms. But when a sista gotta go, a sista gotta go. I don’t know the conditions of the men’s public bathrooms and so therefore, I can’t speak on that. But the women’s public bathrooms tell a scary tale that has yet to have a happy ending. To all of you nasty girls out there in the world, let me ask you a question: Do you NOT know how to clean up after yourself? Do you not know how to flush? Seriously. Do you not smell that god-awful stench coming from your lil’ monkey? Don’t bother washing them panties; BURN THEM.

I’ve always believed that women are supposed to smell like fresh flowers, shea butter, exotic fruits, etc., and that we should set our personal hygiene standards higher than a man for the simple fact that we are women. To all of you nasty girls out there in the world, you truly need to get a bang out of life and take care of the fruit in your garden. They have way too many feminine products on the market for you not to take full advantage of. Of course, I understand that some women may be allergic to certain feminine cleansing products but that’s still no excuse to be walking around smelling like an old tampon. This may seem a lil’ old school to some of you nasty girls but there is such a thing called WASH YA’ ASS. You’ll find out that a wash cloth, hot water, and soap can save you a lifetime of embarrassment and your man just might be willing to kiss ya’ monkey…finally.

It’s true that there are some men out there that don’t like to take the ‘oral exam’ on woman because they simply don’t feel comfortable doing that (Strange, but true). But you can best believe that most men who are in love with their woman don’t mind ‘tasting her love’ just as long as that’s all that he’s tasting. I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t want a surprise party in his mouth. So don’t get mad if ya’ dirty lil’ monkey is the reason why your sweetie won’t kiss you no further than your belly button and he’s making all kinds of excuses as to why he won’t go no further. More than likely, it’s not because he has a toothache, my dear.

In a nutshell, take care of your monkey downstairs before she starts to tell all of your business. I most certainly don’t want my eyebrows burnt off every time I enter a bathroom stall and I’m tired of women acting like it’s no big deal. IT IS A VERY BIG DEAL. Little do you know, you are abusing and disrespecting your monkey each and every time that you choose to neglect her. If you wouldn’t treat your kids like that, don’t treat your monkey like that. The monkey takes a beating; she has stuff coming in and out of her while staying in shape. So with that being said, handle her with care. That is all.


Copyright © 2013 by Sonica Jackson

***The views and opinions expressed here on my website are solely those of myself and do not in any way represent the views and opinions of WordPress or anyone else.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s